cry from within

 we all have that time where we felt like a living dead walking. felt like  a shadow walking instead of the real self. living life like you are in some horror dream. you seize to feel yourself. you have no strength left in you to carry on. when its time to open up to what you will be feeling you have no where to start from. you don't see where you coming from or where you heading towards. that phase of shutdown. you  don't know if you should hold on or just give up , sometimes the essence of waiting makes no sense ,you cant even spend 5 minutes in prayer. You stopped believing sometimes the essence of living loses its meaning when you are failing to preach with your life. you cant really point out and say this is what l have . pain and sorrow runs deep and pierce through the broken pieces of yesterday when all hope was lost , constant prayer points which you thought were never gonna be fruitful turned out to be ripe when you had already given. 

not strong enough to endure anymore. everything makes no sense. it felt like crawling in the corner and cry out the pain . sometimes you cry but when you look for the tears you find non. only you will be knowing how much incapacitated you would be.  is it true that really after one sun sets the other one will be preparing to rise. i came to a point where l doubted my existence. a time l constantly remind myself that l am not good enough for myself and the people around me. feeling like some piece of trash . felt casted away to the deep pit of darkness which l cant come out easily. hell no!!! to the statement that says come hey come sunshine . there is no sun that will come . some fates have been long gone been tempered with beyond repair . nothing is gonna change. hey light will shine and then what. nothing feels real anymore including my own self. its like living a used life. a life that has no meaning. living a life where the opponent won long time back , so what's the essence of trying after all l am not good enough. i cant look after my little sister, I cant even pay any single bill...just lists of credits. A list of names of people which l owe and what l owe them. is it enough. if really it is then why um l still alive? it makes no sense.  literally l ruined my marriage to a greater extend who would want that kind of trash. Sometimes l wonder if l am ever going to accept a man in my life again. its long gone. sometimes l wish l can be buried deep down in the sand and never wake up. for sure there wont be heaven. who would go for someone who is loose, someone who is too broken beyond repair . no one would...

dying....